The Shattering of Expectations
by et-tu-lj
Summary: Sirius hadn't been thinking of consequences at the time. But even if he had, he'd never have imagined this. Remus, Sirius, but decidedly not Remus/Sirius. Set during OOTP.


_Author's Note:_ For whitestar_alpha on livejournal, who wanted something where Remus didn't fall right into Sirius' arms.

* * *

After the Order meeting, when the fireplace had burned down to the embers, only they two remained. Remus lounged on the sofa, thumbing through an aged Defense text and laughing to himself as he read aloud the notations from generations of Black students. Sirius, his back against the sofa, focused on the sound of his voice, uninterested in anything his horrid ancestors might have had to say. And found himself smiling as the warm, familiar sound of laughter wrapped around him like a blanket. Even this house of horrors was beginning to feel like home, now that Remus was here with him.

A gentle hand touched his hair. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?" He hadn't been listening to the words themselves, and when he turned to face Remus, there was concern in the honey brown eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Looking into those eyes, the ghosts of Grimmauld Place faded away. He tried to remember if anyone else had ever looked at him with compassion and affection, the way Remus did. He didn't think so.

"Sure." Sirius smiled, reassuring, and Remus went back to the book. Sirius settled into his new position, watching Remus as he read. His hair fell down into his face, and Remus absently pushed it back with one hand as he read, attention focused entirely on the book. The gesture was just the same as it had always been, though the hair was turning gray now.

Remus was just the same as he had always been.

"What is it?" Remus was watching him now, and Sirius realized he'd been staring. "Padfoot?"

He'd wasted too many years already; he wouldn't risk any more being taken from him. He made a decision, then. Not to wait any longer.

Rising to his knees, he pulled Remus to him. And kissed him, before any more time slipped away.

Lupin's hands came up to his shoulders, and Sirius leaned into him, expectant.

But instead of coming around him in an embrace, as Sirius half anticipated, they tightened and then pushed him away, breaking the kiss. Remus didn't let go, but held him at a distance.

"Sirius, no." His voice was calm and quiet, as it always was. Remus didn't look away in embarrassment, but just studied him, waiting.

Anger he could've dealt with. Rejection he would overcome. But Sirius didn't know how to react to the sympathy with which Remus considered him now. He realized his mouth was still hanging open in surprise, and closed it.

Sirius broke away then, shaking off his hands and stomping across the room to glare at the fireplace. He felt anger bubbling up to cover his confusion: something familiar and comfortable, if not exactly safe. He muttered a word and the embers burst back into flame, crackling and flaring violently as the frustration he felt was channeled into the spell.

"Sirius…" Lupin's voice was calm and reasoning, but he didn't want to be reasonable. "I'm not upset, it's just… We're not going there."

"And why not?" Sirius turned on him now, fists clenched at his sides. "Don't try and tell me you're straight." He knew he should stop, that he was crossing a line, but he was too angry to care. "So what's the problem?"

"Stop. You don't mean that." Remus was still composed, and it only enraged Sirius further.

He clenched his wand, but released it back into the depths of his cloak as soon as he realized what he was doing. "Yes, I do." He viciously kicked at a credenza instead, driving it back into the wall and making the oddments on top rattle with the impact. A small picture of his mother fell to the floor, glass shattering, and she waved her arms at him from the faded photograph. He scowled back and ignored her, too angry to waste the emotion on his dead mother at the moment.

"I'm not denying who I am. And I'm not ashamed of it." His friend's voice was fierce now, and it shamed Sirius into stillness, though it did nothing to diminish his anger. "But you're my best friend. And we're not going to do that."

Sirius said nothing.

"Damn it, Sirius. You're all I've got left." His voice broke then, and Sirius' anger leeched away. Shamed, he sullenly watched the floor, where his mother's photograph still gestured at him in silent hatred.

When he could stand the rough sound of Lupin's uneven breathing no longer, Sirius choked out an apology. "I'm sorry. I'm being an arse." Remus snorted at that, but when Sirius braved a glance, he wasn't smiling. "I didn't mean it. What I said."

They watched each other, measuring reactions. After a moment, Remus nodded, almost imperceptibly. Sirius tried a timid smile, and when it was returned, broke into a sheepish grin. He held his hand out to Remus. "Still friends?"

"Always." They shook hands, and he pulled Remus into an embrace. He stiffened, and Sirius cringed. But after a reassuringly platonic pound on the back, Remus relaxed, until he finally pushed Sirius off.

"Get off me, you oaf." He was laughing now, and Sirius knew everything would be okay. "I'm going to bed."

Remus reached the doorway before Sirius called out to him. "Wait…" He stopped, one hand on the doorframe, but didn't turn back. "Is it…. Is there someone else?"

There was silence for a moment, and Sirius wondered if he would answer. Then Remus sagged, leaning more heavily against the doorframe, and gave in.

"It doesn't matter. Either way I wouldn't." He sighed and ran a hand through graying hair. "But so you won't obsess about it… Yes. There's someone else."

Remus shuffled out into the hall, yawning as he went. Before he could get out of earshot, Sirius called out one last question. "Who is he?"

Remus chuckled and called back. "None of your business." Footsteps, and then the sound of Lupin's door shutting further down the corridor.

Sirius grinned. As if Remus had ever been able to keep a secret from him.


End file.
